Tuesday, November 12, 2013

No Candy!

Has anyone seen the days after Halloween kid videos with Jimmy Kimmel? If not, here is what I did that is exactly what the videos showed. I just don't have a video to go with this story.

I figured since it has been nearly two weeks, it was time to take down the Halloween decorations. I left up the fall decorations though. I also have some Thanksgiving decorations that I put out once the Halloween ones were put away.

I first took down the decorations outside before the cold snap happened today. I was out there in my fleece nightshirt and sweatpants because I hadn't gotten my real clothes on yet. Then, I started with the inside. Everything was going along just fine. Well, there was a moment when my child asked why I was taking down the Halloween decorations and if I was going to put out Christmas stuff. I said, "Oh, no! It's not Christmas yet! We need to take down the Halloween decorations so we can get ready for Thanksgiving!" I made it clear I was NOT taking a page out of the retail book. I will not decorate for Christmas BEFORE Thanksgiving. Each Holiday deserves their time in THIS house. My child was happy with that. Good.

I was just about finished wrapping delicate items and putting them gently away when I saw the pumpkin bucket, still with candy in it, sitting off to the side. The bucket would need to be put away as well. The candy inside was slowly diminishing. My child is rambunctious enough without candy so I do not offer it to him often. He does ask for candy but usually around breakfast time. I usually tell him he can have some after lunch but by that time, he has forgotten about the candy. I told my husband my child's candy was off limits to him. If I had not laid this rule down, it would be gone already and my son would have seen very little of it. I retrieved a bowl from the kitchen and dumped the candy in it. Then, the idea hit me to take a page from Jimmy Kimmel. Someone had posted the link to the videos he showed on his show on Facebook. I was in stitches.

With a sly smirk on my face I unwrapped a candy and put it in my mouth. I took the empty pumpkin bucket into the living room. I interrupted my child dancing to a television theme song and said while chewing on the candy, "I ate all your candy." He stopped and looked at me. "What?" he said. I repeated, "I ate all your candy." Quickly he looked in the bucket and grabbed it from me. He looked up at me with sad eyes and his bottom lip puffed out into a pout. The sad eyes slowly turned angry as the realization that all his sugary goodness had been devoured by his mother figure and he yelled, "That was MY candy!" I shrugged. Again, he yelled, "That was MY candy, not yours!" I bit my lip. I couldn't help it. I revealed my trickery. I smiled and told him to follow me. I showed him the bowl full of candy and said, "I didn't eat it. It is right here." His face lightened up and a smile brushed his lips for a brief moment. He grimaced at me and yelled, "Don't do that!" Then, he turned from me and promptly went back to playing.

Great idea, Jimmy Kimmel. Great idea. Humor at my child's expense. Tee hee!

Tuesday, November 5, 2013

Calling it what it is...

I am a parent that gives everything the proper name. I am not about cutesy names. I tell it like it is. This includes private parts.

Yes, this post is about that! If you are offended about the discussion of private parts, please stop reading now.

I never really understood why people starting naming things other than what they are called. It is what it is, people. Call it what it is! It's a penis. It's a vagina. They are breasts (or boobs, I'll let that one slip in).

As I am giving my son a bath. I went to stand in the hallway to watch the tv while he played. I was keeping a watchful eye on both. I started limping and cringing because my sciatic was acting up. My son asked, "Mommy, what's wrong?" Knowing he wouldn't understand what a sciatic is, I went with a more simple term, muscle. I told him, "My muscle in my rear end hurts." "What's a muscle?" I proceeded to tell him it is what makes our bones move. It makes our arms and legs move.

He said, "Or a penis?"

I just about died. I started laughing so hard. So did he but he has no idea. No idea.

Thursday, July 25, 2013

Camping Silliness and Not-So-Silliness

We have started camping. I have started camping again. I used to camp all the time with my parents. Since moving out on my own, I didn't have a place to put the camper they sold and it broke my heart to see it go. At the time, it was okay. I was still "camping" somewhat. I was a Revolutionary War reenactor with my ex-husband. When I left him, I stopped "camping" altogether.

Since my son was born, I thought about camping a little bit. I thought it would be a nice cheap way our family could go on vacation but wasn't sure how my son would handle it. Then one day he saw a cartoon with an episode showing the characters camping. He turned to me and said, "Mommy, I want to go camping." That's when I thought about it even more.

I purchased a tent. Now, we had a shelter. I slowly started to acquire other things we would need for tent camping, such as a camp stove, clothes line, tent brush and dustpan, and a rubber mallet. Not much but it was a start. We even had a camp-out in the backyard to see if my son would like camping.

He loved it! He insisted that one thing we needed for camping was marshmallows. "We have to have marshmallows when we go camping, Mommy."

Then, a strange thing happened. It was around my birthday. I was visiting my mom and dad but our visit was over. It was time to go home. My mom had turned on her computer to get onto Facebook but because she owns an ancient desktop, it would take a while to start up so we said our good-byes. My son and I got into our minivan and headed home. On our way home, about ten minutes after we left my parents' house, my cellphone rang. I normally don't answer it but I saw it was my parents' number. I figured I probably left something at their house. I wasn't too far that I could easily turn around if need be. I pressed the answer button and put it on speaker. It was my mom but no, I hadn't forgotten anything, they just bought us a camper. A what? A camper, a pop-up camper from cousins of ours that we used to camp with. I remember when they bought the camper 21 years ago. Yeah, it's old but still in working order. Then I thought, 21 years ago? Man, I feel old.

So, as a birthday/Easter/Mother's Day/Anniversary/Christmas present my parents' bought the camper from our cousin. I hadn't even used the tent in an actual camping setting yet, but I had a camper! We made all the arrangements to transfer the camper to our house by getting a ball, hitch, and wire hook-up for the minivan. They live more than two hours away. It would be a day trip to gather the camper.

Anyway, we got it home. During the next week I set up the camper in the driveway so I could clean it out and sort through all the cooking stuff (pots, pans, utensils, cups, etc.). We kept a some of the stuff but we also wanted to make the camper our own so we added a few things.

My son (3 years old) was ecstatic! It was still early Spring but we slept out in it. We even ate dinner in it that evening.

That's when the planning of camping trips commenced. Actually, it commenced just after my mom told me they bought the camper for us. I planned a Memorial weekend trip and a summer trip.

The Memorial trip was nice and cool. So cool that we never were able to swim in the pool. I chose a state park near where we lived just in case my son got scared and wanted to go home. Yeah, that never happened. He loved every minute of it, especially when my parents visited. He gave them the tour of the camper and our campsite. It was very cute. He even showed his pop-pop how to roast a marshmallow because we HAD to have marshmallows.

We just completed our summer trip. Again, not a long trip, a four day weekend to Gettysburg, Pennsylvania. Yeah, I knew the information that would be told there would be over my child's head but we went anyway. Unfortunately, my husband could not be with us due to a family emergency on his side of the family. I couldn't cancel our reservations so he told me to go with our son. So we did. It was hot! It was 98ºF but felt like 108ºF. Yeah, heat wave with high humidity. I had to set up camp by myself. I took frequent breaks drinking lots of Gatorade and water. My clothes were soaked by the time I finished putting up the camper. Then, it started to thunder. I immediately threw all our groceries and luggage into the camper with no thoughts as to where to put it but just get it into the camper before we got pelted with rain. Yeah, it bypassed us. Now, I was really hot from rushing around and still had to make dinner over a stove. Not cool, but I did it because I had a whiny toddler asking for food. After dinner we took showers, cold showers. Warm water felt like more sweat running down my back. Let me just tell you that the cool water felt great. The temperature let up a little bit and we went to bed with all the windows open because our camper does not have air conditioning.

The next day we had tickets for the Gettysburg museum and Cyclorama. I loved every minute of that, sort of. I say sort of because, by that time, my son was wanting a morning snack. Again, my child asked every minute for a snack while I was trying to listen to the film and remember what I learned in school and from my dad and brother. Those two men love history. I like history too. I just can't retain it.

After the film and Cyclorama presentation, I went to the bookstore to get the auto tour. I knew sitting in an air conditioned car while driving along the battlegrounds would be okay on the sweltering day. (Yes, we eventually had a snack when we got back to the car. I had brought snacks and lunch with us to avoid paying for lunch out.) We stopped at various locations along the way including Little Round Top and Devil's Den where my son could climb around the rocks. He liked that. I was pleasantly surprised that he was interested in the cannons. So, being a former Revolutionary War (the other war other than the Civil War that took place in the United States) artillerist, I was able to explain how a cannon worked. Every time we saw a cannon my son would say, "It goes boom and then the people die." Yeah, that's what he remembered from my thorough explanation of the cannon. Sigh. He was very animated about his explanation too which made me laugh.

After the auto tour we went back to the museum because it was air conditioned. We stayed there until it was almost closing time (5 minutes before it closed). Of course, I couldn't read about the interesting displays at the museum because my son is three years old. He just likes looking at stuff. The one thing he really liked was the interactive screens they have about the stance each state took in the war and where each army unit was on the field at Gettysburg. He also liked the display of the cannon, of course!

We had a fun, hot day. When we got back to camp, after having dinner out, it was pouring down rain. I had to quickly close all the windows in the camper while my son was asleep in the van. We waited out the storm in the van as well. There was a lot of lightning and I wasn't about to transfer a sleeping 45 pound kid into the camper while there was lightning striking all around. Yeah, not going to do it. It did finally let up and we enjoyed the rest of the night trying to stay cool with fans blowing on us.

The next day we stayed at the campground. We painted ceramics and then went swimming. Late afternoon, my husband joined us. We just relaxed the rest of the day. Finally, we had a fire (the heat had let up enough that we weren't uncomfortable anymore) and, of course, marshmallows.

There were some funny moments during the weekend.

I got one of those flattened souvenir pennies that you make with the crank. They have the machines everywhere. They print a design to commemorate your visit. I got one for my son. I gave it to him when we were in the camper that night after our visit to the battlefields. He was playing with it one minute and then I didn't see it anymore.

"Where is your penny? I hope you didn't lose it." I said.

There was a pause as he put a finger to his cheek. "Umm," he said. Then looked straight at me. "It's not in my ear."

I cracked up laughing so hard. It was nice to laugh after being so hot and bothered all day. We eventually found it under the map I had been looking at.

The following day after my husband came to camp my son found the clean water bucket. At first, he was kicking his soccer ball into it. He was pretty good at it too. Again, I didn't see it happen but both my husband and I look up to find the bucket on my son's head. He wasn't stuck, just being silly. We both took pictures of him with our cellphones at the same time. I then saw my son bump into the camper because he couldn't see where he was going. It was like a scene from a cartoon. He walked into it, bounced back, and then proceeded in the same direction looking as if he would bump into again. He did manage to avoid it the second time.

So, despite our horrendous weather conditions, we managed to have a good time. As I sit here writing this blog, I am furious that it is 70 some degrees out with minimal humidity. Yeah, so wishing I had scheduled our vacation for this week. Today would have been the day I set up camp. Sigh.

Saturday, April 20, 2013

Let's Move On

This past week has been a tense one, needless to say, for our nation. We have been under attack, again, and a tragic accident occurred.

Friday night we caught one of the individuals associated with the Boston Marathon bombing. Unfortunately, the other individual was killed. I say 'unfortunate' because we cannot question him as to why he did this to us. I hoping the individual who was caught will confess the reasoning behind this gruesome attack.

Then there was the fertilizer plant explosion. As of this posted blog, there is still no explanation of the explosion. I am certain they will come to a conclusion soon. In just three days, they have investigated enough and stopped the fires so people can start returning to their homes that live in the area. Three days!! I think that is impressive.

We are the United States of America. We will persevere. We have in the past. We will now. We already have.

There is not much more I can say about the tragedies. Most of us have been glued to the tv or internet to see these tragedies played out. There is not much more to be said about all this. Yes, I'm saddened by them. Yes, they have left their mark on our nation. Yes, the families these tragedies have touched are forever changed. Yes, we all will move on. Let's move on, America. Go strong!

Wednesday, April 17, 2013

Mommy, are you exercising?

I just started a walking/running routine yesterday. Why? I signed up for a 5K. Everyone is doing it!! Right?! Yeah, well, I signed up for a fun 5K!! A zombie mud run 5k. Am I running in this 5k? Nope. I'm just going to be a zombie. *Looks at self* A fat zombie amongst all those skinny runners? *laughter* No. At least not this fat. Yes, I am overweight-ish. Maybe not as healthy as I would like to be. Am I happy with me? Yes and no. Who am I doing this for? My child (and myself).

I don't want to be that mom that is too big that can't do anything with their child. He is constantly asking me to play with him outside. I've been feeling really fatigued lately. I don't feel like playing with him. But I want to play with him. My body just won't let me. So, I'm doing something about it. :)

So, yesterday was my first day walking/running. (*For Boston!)

OMG! I'm not taking my kid with me next time. The extra weight to push was a little overwhelming. Maybe when I get a little bit more in shape, I'll push him in the stroller so I can tone but as of right now, no more.

He also needs to talk to me while I'm walking/running. I know you are suppose to be able to hold little conversations when doing this type of workout. You don't know my child. He talks about EVERYTHING! He's three years old. He's discovering his world around him. He's asking questions. He's stating facts. He's making observations. He's doing all this while I'm walking/running and out of breath. I try to respond to most things but I just want to concentrate on getting my first workout done!

So, we start out. He is in his stroller, a regular stroller. I'm not going out buying a jogging stroller when in a few months/years he'll be outgrown it. He is a big three year old. I'm also one who quits things. I'm hoping not to do that this time but I don't want a jogging stroller collecting dust in the garage because I quit. Here is the following conversation as I'm walking/running (my workout has me alternate).

My son: Mommy, where are we going?
Me: For a jog.
Son: Why?
Me: For exercise.

(silence for a while)

Son: I see trees.
Me: Uh, huh.
Son: Mommy, I see water.
Me: (puzzled, looks in the ditch, there it is) Uh, huh.

(silence for a little while)

My phone: Run. (I have one of those apps that tells you what to do.)
Son: Wheeeeeeee! (Stands up in the stroller)
Me: Sit down!
(He sits down. We continue down the road as my phone tells me what to do.)

Son: Mommy, are you exercising?
Me: Yes.
(I'm surprised there is no comment or "why?" after that. We continue on for a while longer.)

Son: I see the road going by.
Me: Uh, huh.
Son: I see stones.
Me: Yes.
Son: Mommy, watch out for that car.
Me: Uh, huh.
Son: Mommy, that car is coming.
Me: Uh, huh.
Son: Watch out!
(Car passes us without any incident.)
Son: Whoa, that was a close one!
My phone: Run.
(Some more walk, run, walk, run.)

Son: (As I'm turning around to head back home) Mommy, where are we going?
Me: Home.
Son: Why?
Me: Because.....I'm....almost....finished.
Son: You're almost finished?
Me: Yes.
Son: You're almost finished running?
Me: Yes.
My phone: Walk. (Thank, God!)
Son: Mommy, where are we going?
Me: Home.
Son: I don't want to go home.
(If I could I would have slapped my forehead with my palm.)
Me: Too...bad.

We continue down the road. My phone tells me a few more times to walk, run and a final cool down walk. Then I see the virtual light up ahead. Woohoo! By this time, I'm feeling good but tired. I just want my legs to stop. I know I'm not finished yet. I still have to do my cool down stretches. I finally get home. I start my cool down stretches using YouTube on my phone. I see my son grab the stroller. He wants to go again. This time, I do slap my palm to my forehead.

*I signed up for the 5k before the Boston Marathon incident. I had already decided to start my workout the following day. But I did dedicate my first workout to those involved in Boston.

Wednesday, April 10, 2013

The Start Up

*Deep breath*

Okay. Here it goes. My first blog. Let's start with what this blog is going to be about. Kids. Kids and what comes out of their mouths. Okay, maybe I didn't say that right. I meant words, people. Yes, there is the vomit, the yucky food they don't want to eat so they spit it out, teeth when they fall out, etc. I'll be concentrating on the words they spew.

Funny. The funny side of children's words. Those phrases they say out of the blue that have us chuckling or reposting on facebook that just don't have the same impact as when it came out of your child's mouth. Yeah, I'll try to relay the exact phrase, the tone in which is was spoken, and the moment when it made me laugh.

Cute. Those cute phrases that kids say that make us go, "awww." For instance, the other day I said, "I am exhausted. Whew!" My three year old (which is the most hilarious age, I think) comes over to me, lays a hand on my knee, and says, "That's okay," in the sweetest, kindest voice. I understood it as he was trying to console me in my time of fatigue. It was so precious.

What? He just said what? Those words or sentences that we hope we never hear again. You know, those words you say, that you really shouldn't have said around your kids and then they repeat it, and repeat it, and repeat it. OR those amazing, out-of-this-world insights they verbalize to us that completely knock us off our feet. For example, my son, when he was two telling me that the train over there is a diesel, not a steam engine. When did he learn that?! (I know where he learned it just didn't realize he was paying attention, but that's another story.)

For the most part those are the categories I file my son's interesting talk into. So, I hope you get some chuckles out of this blog and don't forget to look up my Facebook page under the same title. And please, let me know how I'm doing.